Hi, my name is Ning Ning. I am glad to share my experience with GOD today. I am from Guangdong, China. In my hometown people worship idols. My father is a member of the Communist Party, in which he is forced to be an atheist, and my mother worships Buddha. Also, all the textbooks in schools claim atheism. Thus I had never heard about the gospel and never considered about being a Christian.

My journey of faith in Jesus Christ is a process where God keep answering my questions in different ways. There were a lot of questions in my mind like: 1) Does God exist or not? 2) What is God like? And 3) What do Christians look like? What does the Christians’ life look like?

“You don’t need the blessing from others, I love you and would give you whatever you need.”

The first time I read the Bible was in the summer of 2017. One day I heard that Mary Kay was holding one-on-one English Conversation groups to read the Bible. To be honest, the only thing I am interested in at that time is learning English instead of the Bible. I was impressed by Mary Kay’s big smile at the moment I asked if I could join in the English conversation group. I did not understand why she was so happy since I did not know what would happen in the next year. Since then, Mary Kay began to do Bible study with me. She taught me to sing worship songs, she told me who GOD is and she prayed for me.

The first time I realized that GOD exists was in Fall 2017 at Blacksburg, Virginia (Virginia Tech). At the beginning of that semester I decided to drop one course because of the overwhelming course load. However, I was required to pay 90% tuition fees due to the late dropping of the class. I only went to the class once and $2,000 is a big amount for me at that time. Mary Kay began to pray for me (to ask for God’s mercy) when she heard about this. I talked to the staff in the student center for help, and she encouraged me to talk to the Dean of the Graduate School. I understood that it is my fault and it is impossible for the regulation of the university to be changed, but I still tried to make an appointment with the Dean because I did not have that extra money. To my surprise, the dean did not even ask why I forgot to drop the course before the deadline. She said she was willing to help me adjust the date to the one where I only need to pay 5% of the tuition fee, and she told me to wait for the updated email. However, I did not get that email and I went to the student denter again. The staff checked the bill and she said, “Someone logged into the system and changed the date you dropped the course; you don’t owe anything now.” I was blown away by her answer. At that time, I knew it is GOD that helps me by changing the date. I was loved by GOD, even when I was not a Christian, even though I did not know him. Now I know that GOD’s love is beyond our imagination. GOD is powerful and He is the one who makes the impossible into possible.

I was sure that GOD exists, but there were still questions in my mind. First, I cannot decide to become a Christian just because GOD helped me a lot. What if Satan does the same thing? Second, I have stereotypes of church and I thought it is depressing. Third, I thought Christians are square-toed (old fashioned). Fourth, I cannot fully understand some sentences in the Bible. Mary Kay is sensitive and realized about the culture difference and she introduced a Chinese lady, Mercy, to me.

Mercy and I had dinner together and we found that we came from the same city. She also grew up and finished her undergraduate in China. I believed that GOD is the one who set up this meeting. HE sent Mercy who has the same background as me to answer my questions. During that dinner, Mercy shared her personal experience with GOD. It is Mercy who took me to the church for the first time. Church is totally different from my imagination. It is not depressing at all and Christians are kind. I met Qiong and Wei in the church. I was surprised that they are Christians since I had met them before and they helped me a lot. Qiong is outgoing and Wei is fashionable. I was very touched and surprised. It seems that GOD knew all the questions in my mind and He kept sending people to my life to answer my questions. However, I was worried that GOD would control my mind if I decided to be a Christian. In the western world, the creator of the world is like a programmer, who controls the mind and actions of people. I was curious why GOD would not “set” people to love him automatically. I asked Joey and Jimmy this question the first time when I came to their Bible study group. Jimmy replied that because GOD love us so much that He would like to give us free will. I was very touched at that moment. GOD’s love is beyond our imagination and it’s impossible for human beings to be the same.

At the end of 2017, Joey held a Bible study group and we began reading the Bible from the Old Testament. There are a bunch of regulations that I cannot understand. For example, Christians are not allowed to eat the offerings for idols. I was confused because my grandma always tells me that the offerings would bless us. Can I eat those offerings if I am a Christian? Joey said Jonny had the same doubt when he was at the beginning of his Christian journey. And his choice was, if you feel uncomfortable when you eat those offerings, you should stop doing that; if you don’t think it would be a problem for you, you can eat it. This answer made me realize that GOD cares more about our inner thoughts instead of what we do superficially. I believe that GOD has the true wisdom. However, I did not walk out of my comfort zone (to be a Christian, I did not have courage). I came back to China in March 2018. Mercy said, “You consider yourself to be a Christian without realizing it.”

I decided to be a Christian when I had a vacation in China. I went to a cemetery with my husband and his parents during the Qing Ming Festival. It was my first time to a cemetery, and I was really nervous. When we arrived at the cemetery, a voice told me “Don’t be afraid, I am the Lord, and I am here with you.” I calmed down immediately. When we stood in front of the tombstone my mother-in-law began to pray for my husband and me. The voice began to talk to me again, he said, “You don’t need the blessing from others, I love you and would give you whatever you need.” It was at that moment that I decided to follow my heart and become a Christian.

During that time, there was another important thing in my life. I was applying to a master’s program and my husband was seeking his post-doc position. We hoped that we could be in the same school but we also knew that it is impossible. My husband got the offer from the University of Chicago, but his professor said he would move to Indiana University several months later. I had not applied to the master’s program at IU and I already missed the deadline. I tried to write emails to the director of the graduate program without hoping anything. To my surprise, the director replied to my email and she encouraged me to apply for the program. I believe going to IU is the gift from GOD. He wants my husband and I to stand together.

I did a Bible study with Joey for one year, but I still could not fully understand sin. For example, selfishness. I have a younger brother and my parents required me to give everything to him. For example, I had to give my birthday gift to my younger brother. Otherwise, I was selfish and I would be judged by other relatives. It was hard for me since I grew up with my grandma and my cousin, who is older than me. I felt depressed and I believed that I was the worst older sister. When I grew up, I read a lot of psychology books and I began to realize that selfishness is human nature. It was psychology that set me free to help me to accept myself. Therefore, I can accept that I am selfish, but I didn’t believe selfishness is a sin. Accepting selfishness as sin would mean that I would return into the environment where I was judged. More recently, Jimmy told me why Jesus came to the Earth. He died for our sin and his resurrection give us new life. Sin has lost his control on us. Now I understood that being a Christian, I do not need psychology to save me. I can accept that I am selfish, and I can accept that selfishness is sin. However, …

I don’t need to be afraid that I would be judged by other people. Jesus died for my sin and to set me free.